no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
