btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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