OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
