My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
