I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
