i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
