dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
