"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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