Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
