Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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