I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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