if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
