i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
