I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
