And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
