Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
