dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
