You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you will always have a special place in my vag
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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