Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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