He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We got so high we made milksteak
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
