OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
