oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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