I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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