Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
