At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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