i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
