all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
