my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
