You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
