A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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