Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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