yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
