I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
