You're completely useless in the revolution.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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