I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
