shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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