we have pet lesbian snakes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
