She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
