A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
