it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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