you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
