sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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