How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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