Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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