He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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