A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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