After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
