We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
