"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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