Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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