Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
