WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
